Stop me before I send another to De-Friend mode

I'm on a roll.

It happened again.

Granted, this was my fault. A friend sent me a Facebook Group invite for "No Dibs," a group he started. We are both against putting furniture out to lay "dibs" to cleared parking spaces on Chicago streets. We believe it is selfish and un-neighborly. It is also illegal. That is not an opinion; that is Chicago law, that putting private property in the public way is an obstruction.

As a side note, I drove to said friend's home Jan. 16, about 15 minutes before candle-lighting. There was no time to spare in terms of searching for a parking space. His block usually has a number of spots available, even at peak times like late at night or just before shabbos. But on Jan. 16, all the spots were taken--either cars or dibs furniture. I had to park around the corner and drag all my shabbos stuff to his place, even though there were several parking spaces available right in front. Taking furniture off the street and parking there incurs the risk of vandalism to one's vehicle and/or physical attack. What nice neighbors! So not a good idea.

So my friend started a Facebook Group, and in the Group credo or introduction, he used language that wasn't very nice, such as "greedy jerks" to refer to people who to participate in this practice. Now, this would include many of my friends, and with that in mind, I should have suggested to my friend that he reword the introduction to make it "pareve" rather than provocative. Instead, I sent the Group invitation to three dozen people. I guess I should have considered myself lucky that only one person responded in kind, i.e., rather rudely. He wrote on my Facebook Wall--visible to all my Friends--if I didn't like this particular tradition, I should leave the city. He added that if I take his folding chairs from his parking space, "See what you get." That sounded like a physical threat. On top of that, he De-Friended me, which prevented me from writing on his Wall in response. (Clever. I respect him for that move.) I asked him about this series of events and asked him to reconsider his De-Friend action. He responded very nicely and said he regretted the language he used, but stood by his De-Friend move. So we moved the conversation to a civil tone and departed as friends. So to speak. But not Friends.

At least he's not vegetarian. Then he would really be angry. =)

The unkindest cut of all: the De-Friend

I must be a Facebook softie. I will "confirm" people who request me as a Friend even if I barely know them or don't know them at all--if they are Friends of Friends. I practically have a minyan of People I Don't Know in New York. (I set up a separate "Friends Folder" for them called "People I Don't Know.") I have kept in my Friends cache people I don't particularly care for and people with whom I have significant disagreements. I keep in my Friends cache a woman whom I added because I thought she was someone completely different--a former synagogue member who had moved out of town. It turns out she is not that person at all but has exactly the same name. Why De-Friend her and hurt her feelings?

So it was with great sadness that I discovered someone whom I like and respect De-Friended me last weekend. I had made a Grave Error and realized it way too late--after I had already posted it. I violated what I realize now is a very hard and fast rule:

Rule #1 for dealing with vegetarians:
1. Do not ever mention in conversation a proud vegetarian's vegetarianism unless supporting her 100 percent. This applies especially to proselytizing vegetarians. If a vegetarian is proud enough of her fake meat dish that she mentions it in her Facebook status, HOLD BACK AND DON'T RESPOND. It was so tempting (okay, too tempting) to mention that I find fake meat dishes grossly unappetizing and that if she doesn't eat chicken, then there's more for me. =) And I did add the smiley to show I wasn't being nasty. Unfortunately, she didn't see it that way. Thinking later about my post, I expected her to send me a note saying, "Hey, Ken, I didn't appreciate your snide, snarky comments about my veggie chicken dish. Even though it is gross, and I grimace every time I take a bite, I'm doing my part to further animal rights worldwide. So keep your rude comments to yourself, smart-ass." Okay, the second sentence is probably overdoing it. But I expected her to retort in kind, not to De-Friend me. Isn't that the Nuclear Option? I sent her a message, not a Friend request, apologizing. No response. Now I'm even more upset because I can't follow her wedding progress if I'm no longer her Friend. I'll try to add her as a Friend as her wedding date draws closer. Maybe she'll be in a forgiving mood.